Behold the Kickmen

About

Behold the Kickmen is a single player casual sport game with a comedy theme. It was developed by Size Five Games and was released on July 20, 2017. It received neutral reviews from critics and positive reviews from players.

"Behold the Kickmen" is a satirical soccer game that parodies sports simulations. Instead of traditional soccer rules, this game offers an exaggerated and humorous take on the sport, with quirky mechanics and unique gameplay elements. The objective is to score goals, but players can also enjoy the absurdity of the experience, filled with odd physics and funny commentary.

Genres & Tags

Play Modes

Single-Player

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83%

Audience ScoreBased on 414 reviews

gameplay34 positive mentions

grinding10 negative mentions

Genuinely funny with absurd, self-aware humor that pokes fun at football.
Easy to pick up and play, with simple mechanics that make it accessible to players with no football knowledge.
Engaging progression system where players can upgrade their team skills and earn money through gameplay.

Gameplay can become repetitive and grindy, especially as players advance through the leagues.
Controls feel clumsy and unresponsive at times, particularly with auto-switching players during matches.
Lacks multiplayer options, which feels like a missed opportunity for a sports game.

gameplay
95 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
36%
56%
8%
The gameplay of "Behold the Kickmen" is a mixed bag, with some players enjoying its humorous and wacky mechanics while others find it repetitive and frustrating. While the game features interesting ideas like a money-making combo system and simple mechanics that can be fun in short bursts, many reviews highlight issues with janky controls, a steep difficulty curve, and a lack of depth that can lead to a dull experience over time. Overall, it offers a charming and comedic take on soccer, but its gameplay may not satisfy everyone.
- “Gameplay-wise, your team starts out basically awful compared to every other team, but by playing you not only unlock new techniques and improve stats but you start to pick up some of the nuances of the game that the tutorial doesn't make clear - for example, tackling from behind is usually pointless; dodging adds to your combo even if no opposing players are near you, that kind of thing - and I went from being deeply frustrated with the game to really enjoying it.”
- “The combination of simple but rewarding gameplay and very funny writing make this easily the best game about kicking a leather spheroid into one of two large receptacles I have ever played.”
- “It's not often I find myself with sweaty palms from intense gameplay and aching cheeks from howling with laughter.”
- “The gameplay just gets dull after a while, and the difficulty curve can be very annoying.”
- “The actual gameplay must have taken some effort to code, and it's a shame because it's not very good.”
- “The progression is painfully slow and the grind just isn't fun, especially when the mechanics don't seem consistent or fair.”
humor
89 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
The humor in the game is widely praised for its absurdity and clever writing, with many reviewers highlighting its satirical take on football and over-the-top commentary. While some players found the humor to be a refreshing and entertaining aspect, others noted that it can become repetitive over time. Overall, the game is characterized as genuinely funny, appealing to both football fans and those who typically dislike the sport.
- “The game leans hard into satire with over-the-top commentary and bizarre story moments, making it more about laughing at football than mastering it.”
- “The writing really props this game up though, it's funny and ridiculous, and as long as you don't take football too seriously, then there are plenty of laughs to be had.”
- “Behold the Kickmen is absolutely ace, a brilliantly funny take on football that will have you on the edge of your seat trying to do a bloody goal.”
story
73 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
34%
62%
4%
The game's story is a humorous and absurd take on football, filled with over-the-top satire and quirky dialogue that often pokes fun at traditional football concepts. While some players find the narrative entertaining and engaging, others criticize it for being predictable and lacking depth, with many opting to skip story segments due to their perceived dullness. Overall, the story mode is seen as a key feature that adds charm and laughter to the gameplay, despite its mixed reception regarding humor and replayability.
- “The game leans hard into satire with over-the-top commentary and bizarre story moments, making it more about laughing at football than mastering it.”
- “The storyline is hilarious - cramming in movie tropes regardless of whether they fit or not.”
- “The matches are outrageous, the dialogue in story mode is a lot of fun, and the fact that a game about men kicking a ball into goals resembles actual football so little is a huge achievement.”
- “The story is there, but even the game asks if you want to skip it.”
- “The story is boring, the puns are extremely predictable, and most importantly, the gameplay is just not very good.”
- “The story bits between matches are boring; I skipped them at some point because they didn't entertain me.”
music
26 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
46%
39%
15%
The music in the game receives mixed reviews, with some players finding it upbeat and enjoyable, while others describe it as irritating and overwhelming. Many appreciate the effort put into the soundtrack, noting its charm and fit with the game's cartoony art style, but several users express frustration over the inability to adjust the volume or turn it off. Overall, while some players find the music enhances the experience, others feel it detracts from gameplay.
- “Fun little story and very good music.”
- “The music is fantastic.”
- “Great silly fun, awesome music, developer communicates candidly and cracks good jokes; is well worth supporting.”
- “The dubstep soundtrack in the main menu is rather annoying.”
- “Extremely annoying and loud music; it's just plain noise.”
- “In terms of settings, attempts to turn down the grating music failed; turning the volume down did absolutely nothing.”
graphics
12 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
58%
17%
25%
The graphics of the game are generally well-received, with many players appreciating the charming art style and polished visuals that complement the gameplay. However, some critiques mention a disconnect between the appealing aesthetics and the game's mechanical feel, as well as issues with controls that can detract from the overall experience. Overall, the graphics are seen as a strong point, contributing to the game's unique character and humor.
- “Super authentic gameplay and visuals presented in a beautiful art style.”
- “Just a fantastic mix of skill-based gameplay, rewarding progression, uptempo music, minimalist visuals and good ol' British satire.”
- “+the artwork is nice; lots of polish.”
- “The graphics had a charm that was lost in its sharp edges and cold, cyberpunk/mechanical feel.”
- “The humor, soundtrack, and art style of the game are fine; not really my jam personally, but I can see that effort was put into it and I know a lot of people find it charming.”
- “I think the cartoony art style fits the game, but the music wasn't my taste at all.”
grinding
10 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
Players generally find the grinding aspect of the game to be tedious and time-consuming, often requiring hours of repetitive gameplay to earn upgrades and improve skills. While some appreciate the opportunity for skill development, many feel that the grind detracts from overall enjoyment, leading to frustration, especially when progress is heavily influenced by luck. Overall, the game may appeal to those who enjoy grinding, but it risks alienating players seeking a more engaging experience.
- “Don't buy it unless you want to spend hours grinding against frustrating AI to get even a small percentage of the upgrades they have.”
- “In order to finish the story, it would take either countless hours of grinding for cash for upgrades or sheer luck.”
- “You start off having a lot of fun, and then there's about 2 hours where you are just grinding up your stats, with wins or losses based largely on luck, and then once you're powerful enough it gets really easy again.”
atmosphere
3 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
67%
100%
The game's atmosphere is enhanced by the option to switch to upbeat music and varied character outfits, contributing to an engaging and lively experience. Players find the overall ambiance enjoyable, especially during goal-scoring moments, which adds to the excitement.
- “Always exciting to score a goal, and it has an all-around great atmosphere.”
- “In the main menu, you can click on the ball icon in the bottom right corner of the screen (above the version number) to change the atmosphere of the game to upbeat music and differently dressed characters.”
- “The atmosphere feels flat and uninspired, lacking the depth and immersion I was hoping for.”
- “Despite the game's potential, the overall ambiance is dull and fails to engage the player.”
- “The environments are lifeless, making it hard to feel any connection to the game world.”
emotional
3 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
Users express that the emotional depth of the game is lacking, comparing it unfavorably to FIFA 17, which they describe as offering a dull and uninspiring experience.
- “The emotional journey in this game is unlike anything I've experienced before.”
- “Every character's story resonates deeply, making you feel a genuine connection.”
- “The game masterfully captures the highs and lows of human emotion, leaving a lasting impact.”
stability
2 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
The game is reported to be extremely buggy, with frequent glitches affecting gameplay. Additionally, players have noted that the AI can unexpectedly become overly challenging, adding to the overall instability of the experience.
- “Is extremely buggy.”
- “Aside from the occasional glitches that are still in the game, the AI suddenly remembers it is a computer and can kick your sorry meat-arse without even trying if it wants to.”
character development
1 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
Character development is praised for its delightful designs and charming satirical elements, contributing to an engaging and enjoyable experience.
- “The character designs are delightful, and the satirical bent of the project is extremely charming.”
optimization
1 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
Users have noted concerns regarding the game's optimization, suggesting that performance issues may detract from the overall experience.
- “One issue I have with the game is the optimization.”

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60%Critics’ scoreBased on 1 critic reviews

Behold the Kickmen (Switch) Review – Go Forth and Kick!
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Frequently Asked Questions

Behold the Kickmen is a casual sport game with comedy theme.

Behold the Kickmen is available on Nintendo Switch, PC, Mac OS and Windows.

Behold the Kickmen was released on July 20, 2017.

Behold the Kickmen was developed by Size Five Games.

Behold the Kickmen has received neutral reviews from players and neutral reviews from critics. Most players liked this game for its gameplay but disliked it for its grinding.

Behold the Kickmen is a single player game.

Similar games include Pixel Cup Soccer: Ultimate Edition, Kopanito All-Stars Soccer, Retro Goal, Football, Tactics & Glory, PGA TOUR 2K21 and others.

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