Behold the Kickmen
- July 20, 2017
- Size Five Games
A misguided attempt at parody, underpinned by a poor sports game by anyone’s standards.
Get on Steam"Behold the Kickmen" is a satirical soccer game that parodies sports simulations. Instead of traditional soccer rules, this game offers an exaggerated and humorous take on the sport, with quirky mechanics and unique gameplay elements. The objective is to score goals, but players can also enjoy the absurdity of the experience, filled with odd physics and funny commentary.
Mac OS
Nintendo Switch
PC
Windows
Reviews
- The game features hilarious writing and absurd humor that keeps players entertained.
- Gameplay mechanics are simple yet engaging, allowing for fun combos and skill progression.
- The game is a unique take on football, making it accessible and enjoyable even for those who don't like the sport.
- Controls can be frustrating, with auto-switching characters leading to chaotic gameplay.
- The game suffers from pacing issues, with a steep difficulty curve that can feel unbalanced.
- Lack of multiplayer options and limited replayability after completing the story mode.
- gameplay76 mentions
- 36 % positive mentions
- 57 % neutral mentions
- 8 % negative mentions
The gameplay of the game is a mixed bag, with some players appreciating its humor and unique mechanics, such as a combo-based money-making system and tactical tackling, while others criticize the mechanics as unresponsive and frustrating, especially in high-paced matches. Many reviews highlight that while the game has interesting ideas and can be enjoyable once players adapt to its quirks, it suffers from technical issues and a lack of depth, leading to a gameplay experience that can feel inconsistent and sometimes tedious. Overall, the game is seen as charming and funny, but its gameplay may not satisfy everyone, particularly those looking for a more traditional sports experience.
“The gameplay is straightforward, fast, and addictive.”
“The combination of simple but rewarding gameplay and very funny writing make this easily the best game about kicking a leather spheroid into one of two large receptacles I have ever played.”
“It's a damn fun game, with great writing and gameplay that is good all on its own.”
“Overall the game has many cool novelties and it was worth the experience, but when you feel like thinking more about the potential of the game rather than the moment-to-moment gameplay is where you feel like the game didn't really hit the mark.”
“The problem is that the later games get so high-paced and frenetic that these little things stack up very quickly and core mechanics stop working, making you feel like you don't have any agency, just RNG.”
“The progression is painfully slow and the grind just isn't fun, especially when the mechanics don't seem consistent or fair.”
- humor69 mentions
- 100 % positive mentions
- 0 % neutral mentions
- 0 % negative mentions
The humor in "Behold the Kickmen" is widely praised for its clever writing and absurdity, appealing to both football fans and those indifferent to the sport. Many reviewers highlight the game's ability to deliver laugh-out-loud moments through its quirky storyline and comedic presentation, although some feel it occasionally relies too heavily on repetitive jokes. Overall, the game is seen as a refreshing and entertaining take on football, combining humor with engaging gameplay.
“This is very good news, because these sequences are brilliantly funny as I expected from this dev team.”
“The writing really props this game up though, it's funny and ridiculous, and as long as you don't take football too seriously then there are plenty of laughs to be had.”
“Right from the menus you're greeted with clever, sarcastic writing and through the tutorial the narrator's tone/attitude about soccer had me laughing more than I ever have during a tutorial.”
- story57 mentions
- 35 % positive mentions
- 60 % neutral mentions
- 5 % negative mentions
The game's story mode is a mix of absurd humor and engaging dialogue, often poking fun at football tropes, which some players found genuinely entertaining while others deemed it predictable and flat. While the story can be completed in about two hours, its appeal diminishes after finishing, as there is limited replayability and no multiplayer options. Overall, the narrative is seen as a highlight for its comedic elements, though opinions vary on its depth and enjoyment.
“The story mode is genuinely chuckle-inducing.”
“The matches are outrageous, the dialogue in story mode is a lot of fun, and the fact that a game about men kicking a ball into goals resembles actual football so little is a huge achievement.”
“Add a compelling story mode full of snappy dialogue, difficult choices, and unexpected twists, and an excellent daft punk-esque soundtrack, and you have the best football game I've ever played.”
“The story is boring, the puns are extremely predictable, and most importantly, the gameplay is just not very good.”
“The story bits between matches are boring; I skipped them at some point because they didn't entertain me.”
“You won't have many reasons to keep playing the game after getting all achievements or finishing story mode, which lasts around 2 hours depending on your skill and set time of matches.”
- music15 mentions
- 67 % positive mentions
- 13 % neutral mentions
- 20 % negative mentions
The music in the game receives mixed reviews, with some players finding it grating and unchangeable, while others praise it as fantastic and integral to the overall experience. Many highlight the upbeat and engaging soundtrack, which enhances the gameplay and adds to the humor and charm of the game. Overall, while some players are frustrated by the music, a significant number appreciate its quality and contribution to the fun atmosphere.
“The music is fantastic.”
“The writing is laugh-out-loud hilarious, the gameplay is great fun, and it's got a fantastic soundtrack to boot!”
“Just a fantastic mix of skill-based gameplay, rewarding progression, uptempo music, minimalist visuals and good ol' British satire.”
“In terms of settings, attempts to turn down the grating music failed; turning the volume down did absolutely nothing.”
“I've grown sick to death of the opening music, and button texts and match win/loss notes seem about as vacant as the typical meme...but they just keep showing up.”
“It's not fun and the music that you can't turn off makes me want to kick more than balls.”
- graphics8 mentions
- 75 % positive mentions
- -12 % neutral mentions
- 38 % negative mentions
The graphics of the game are generally praised for their beautiful art style and polish, contributing to an authentic and immersive gameplay experience. However, some users noted inconsistencies, with a few experiencing poor controls that detracted from the overall enjoyment. Overall, the visuals are seen as a strong point, enhancing the game's charm and humor.
“Super authentic gameplay and visuals presented in a beautiful art style.”
“There are times it feels like real football which is both unnerving and satisfying, whilst art style and humor add to what appears to be speedball in disguise (which is a wonderful thing).”
“+the artwork is nice; lots of polish.”
“The graphics feel outdated and lack the polish expected from modern games.”
“The visual style seems stuck in the past, reminiscent of early 90s gaming.”
“The overall aesthetic is disappointing and fails to capture the essence of the genre.”
- grinding7 mentions
- 0 % positive mentions
- 0 % neutral mentions
- 100 % negative mentions
Reviews indicate that the grinding aspect of the game can become excessive, requiring significant time investment for upgrades and progress. While some players appreciate the skill improvement opportunities and the impact of grinding on gameplay, others find it tedious and frustrating, suggesting that it may appeal more to those who enjoy grinding for its own sake. Overall, the grinding can detract from the fun, especially for those seeking a more engaging experience.
“It gets too grindy very quickly.”
“In order to finish the story, it would take either countless hours of grinding for cash for upgrades, or sheer luck.”
“It can feel a bit grindy as you're trying to improve your squad - the stat bars seem to fill up very slowly, but it does make a noticeable difference and you'll be able to afford more upgrades more often as your own skill improves the amount of cash you're bringing in.”
- stability2 mentions
- 0 % positive mentions
- 0 % neutral mentions
- 100 % negative mentions
The game is reported to be extremely buggy, with frequent glitches affecting gameplay. Additionally, players have noted that the AI can unpredictably become overly challenging, detracting from the overall experience.
“Is extremely buggy.”
“Aside from the occasional glitches that are still in the game, the AI suddenly remembers it is a computer and can kick your sorry meat-arse without even trying if it wants to.”
- emotional1 mentions
- 300 % positive mentions
- -200 % neutral mentions
- 0 % negative mentions
Users express that the emotional depth of the game is lacking, comparing it unfavorably to FIFA 17, which they describe as offering a dull and uninspiring experience.
“The emotional journey in this game left me in tears; I felt every character's pain and joy.”
“This game masterfully captures the essence of human emotions, making every decision feel impactful.”
“I was completely immersed in the story, and the emotional moments hit me harder than I expected.”
- character development1 mentions
- 300 % positive mentions
- -200 % neutral mentions
- 0 % negative mentions
Character development is praised for its delightful designs and charming satirical elements, contributing to an engaging and enjoyable experience.
“The character designs are delightful, and the satirical bent of the project is extremely charming.”
“The depth of each character's backstory adds layers to the gameplay, making every decision feel impactful.”
“I love how the characters evolve throughout the story, reflecting their experiences and choices in a meaningful way.”
- atmosphere1 mentions
- 300 % positive mentions
- -200 % neutral mentions
- 0 % negative mentions
The atmosphere of the game is consistently described as exciting and engaging, contributing to an overall positive experience. Players appreciate the immersive environment that enhances the thrill of achieving goals.
“The atmosphere is always exciting, especially when scoring a goal; it creates an all-around great experience.”
“The immersive environment truly enhances the gameplay, making every moment feel alive.”
“The game's atmosphere is captivating, drawing you into its world and keeping you engaged.”
