The Procession to Calvary

Although sometimes frustrating and obtuse, The Procession to Calvary is a surreal and uniquely funny game well worth the pocket change you’ll spend on it.

85%Game Brain Score

humor, music

grinding, stability

97% User Score Based on 1,172 reviews

Critic Score 79%Based on 8 reviews

Platforms

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About

"The Procession to Calvary" is a humorous adventure game that takes place in a world made from Renaissance art. After winning a holy war, you must now hunt down the escaped tyrant Heavenly Peter. Featuring witty dialogues and a unique art style, this game offers a journey full of murder and mayhem with a Monty Python-esque twist.

Genres & Tags

Play Modes

Single-Player Play through the game's story or campaign solo

97%

Audience ScoreBased on 1,180 reviews

humor582 positive mentions

grinding6 negative mentions

The game features a unique art style, using animated Renaissance paintings that create a visually stunning experience.
The humor is clever and reminiscent of Monty Python, providing plenty of laugh-out-loud moments throughout the gameplay.
The puzzles are generally well-designed and intuitive, with multiple endings that encourage replayability.

The game is relatively short, typically taking around 3-4 hours to complete, which may leave some players wanting more.
Some puzzles can be obscure or require a leap in logic, potentially leading to frustration without a guide.
There are occasional technical issues, such as unreliable auto-saving and clunky movement mechanics.

humor
586 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
99%
1%
The humor in *The Procession to Calvary* is a standout feature, characterized by its dark, absurdist, and often Monty Python-inspired wit. Players appreciate the clever writing, quirky dialogues, and visual gags that keep the experience consistently funny, despite some criticism regarding the unevenness of the humor and puzzle design. Overall, the game is celebrated for its unique blend of classical art, music, and irreverent humor, making it a delightful and entertaining point-and-click adventure.
- “The humor is reminiscent of Monty Python, but it's edgier and stands on its own.”
- “The combination of renaissance art, beautiful music, and immature humor make it an artistic masterpiece all its own.”
- “I've been laughing out loud throughout the whole experience.”
- “Unfunny, confusing, and obnoxious.”
- “But once they degenerate into half-brains, it's really unfunny, lame, and cringe-worthy.”
music
277 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
39%
60%
1%
The music in the game is widely praised for its clever integration of classical compositions, enhancing the immersive atmosphere and complementing the humorous narrative. Players appreciate the use of public domain music and the opportunity to interact with musicians throughout the game, which adds an engaging layer to the experience. Overall, the soundtrack is considered a standout feature, contributing significantly to the game's unique charm and appeal.
- “The game's immersive atmosphere is further enhanced by the classical music soundtrack.”
- “The art and music are to die for and the way they explain the music in-game is so funny and endearing.”
- “Using classical music and artwork, he has put together a world that is fun to explore and will keep you laughing out loud.”
- “The background music is always on in every screen and becomes a little bit tiring.”
- “I played only a bit, but love it all, though when you stay at one screen for a long time, the looped music, if you have it too loud, can get very annoying (like in the very first screen) :) but I think it's intentional, or it feels like it.”
- “The music is adequate for the game, sets the atmosphere and uses some classical tracks as well.”
graphics
175 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
39%
59%
2%
The graphics of "The Procession to Calvary" are widely praised for their unique and visually stunning aesthetic, utilizing a collage of renaissance-era paintings that are cleverly animated to create a whimsical, Monty Python-esque atmosphere. Players appreciate the game's ability to blend humor with art, resulting in an engaging experience that is both visually appealing and entertaining. Despite some minor glitches, the overall artistic presentation is considered a standout feature, enhancing the game's comedic narrative and gameplay.
- “The procession to Calvary is the second part in a soon-to-be trilogy of comedic historical-themed point-and-click adventures mainly notable for their visuals, built entirely from renaissance-era paintings, cut-up and spliced together collage-style, with some crude animation to tie everything together, which ends up being exactly as unique and impressive to look at as it sounds.”
- “The art style is fabulous to look at and the story is amusing and interesting.”
- “Using classical music and artwork, he has put together a world that is fun to explore and will keep you laughing out loud.”
- “To create the graphics for the procession to Calvary, he has taken a stonking great pile of renaissance artworks, gleefully mutilated them in Adobe Photoshop, then cobbled them back together as a sort of high-brow, wine and cheese evening, 'look at me!'”
- “Let me just start off by saying that the creator made a number of obvious (and in my mind childish) historical and geographical errors in the creation of this game.”
- “The narrative is unique because of its art style and setting but lacks depth and creativity in storytelling.”
story
126 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
25%
68%
6%
The story is a humorous and satirical journey featuring a protagonist on a quest to kill a character named Heavenly Peter, set against a backdrop of stunning renaissance artwork. While the narrative is simple and often absurd, it cleverly incorporates biblical themes and art references, making it entertaining for fans of quirky humor and point-and-click adventures. However, some players find the plot shallow and the character development lacking, with a mix of engaging puzzles and fetch quests that can become tedious.
- “A tongue-in-cheek story with entertaining puzzles gets elevated by an astounding use of biblical text, renaissance paintings, and music, ridiculing the idiosyncrasies of yore and today.”
- “Classic point-and-click puzzles, plenty of fourth-wall meta nonsense, lots of gorgeous renaissance art & music used in very clever and funny ways, and just a wonderful, uplifting, silly, occasionally gory and deeply enjoyable story.”
- “The story is about the main character trying to kill at least one more person after the war ends, because you love doing it; the scenarios and characters are bizarre (to say the least), all of them inspired by renaissance-era art mixed in a somewhat coherent way.”
- “The game series doesn't provide backstory for the characters; it just scratches the surface for everything, and as a result, it feels very shallow.”
- “The story, like in 'Four Last Things', is short and thin.”
- “The narrative is unique because of its art style and setting but lacks depth and creativity in storytelling.”
gameplay
90 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
9%
83%
8%
The gameplay is primarily a traditional point-and-click adventure, featuring quirky puzzles that blend logic and humor, reminiscent of Monty Python. While some mechanics, like the double-click to move faster, can be clunky, the overall experience is enjoyable, albeit linear and sometimes lacking in challenge. Players appreciate the comedic elements and unique art style, though some find the gameplay repetitive and the puzzles occasionally too easy.
- “The gameplay follows traditional point-and-click mechanics, with quirky puzzles that require a blend of logic and lateral thinking.”
- “It's got all the bawdy, bloody, ridiculous humor you'd expect, and even though the point-and-click gameplay is familiar, the look is unique enough that it doesn't feel like a rehash of other games.”
- “Great sense of humor, fluid gameplay, deep enough to keep your attention but not over-complicated, beautifully made and highly addictive!”
- “Sadly, the rest of the game doesn't really live up to the quality of its presentation, with bog-standard point-and-click gameplay and somewhat mediocre puzzles, most of which are pretty easy, but there's a handful of questionable leaps, though nowhere near the kind of obtuse insanity the genre has become somewhat infamous for.”
- “Theoretically, its greater length should increase its value, but the gameplay grew grating as time dragged on.”
- “This game is rather interesting; true to any sort of point-and-click game, the gameplay itself can be rather boring.”
atmosphere
13 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
46%
31%
23%
The game's atmosphere is highly praised for its immersive quality, enhanced by a fitting classical music soundtrack that complements the artistic visuals. Players appreciate the creative blend of historic art and humor, which together create a unique and engaging experience. Overall, the atmosphere is described as both fun and surreal, making it a standout feature of the game.
- “The game's immersive atmosphere is further enhanced by the classical music soundtrack.”
- “Very fun game, the atmosphere is just perfect; the combination of historic art and music makes this a really unique experience.”
- “The surreal atmosphere of renaissance art finds its unlikely partner in the unconventional comedy style of Monty Python, and the result is… different.”
- “The atmosphere of the world that is stitched together with painting is really creative and the music fits perfectly.”
- “[*] music is adequate for the game, sets the atmosphere and uses some classical tracks as well.”
replayability
11 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
36%
36%
27%
The game offers some replayability through multiple endings and hidden achievements, but its short playtime of 2.5-3 hours limits overall replay value. While players appreciate the fun and low cost, many feel that the game lacks significant depth for repeated playthroughs. Overall, it is seen as enjoyable but not particularly rich in replayability.
- “There's different ways to finish the game as well, and lots of hidden achievements for replay value.”
- “Not a lengthy game by any stretch of the imagination, but multiple (well, 3) endings and routes through the game allow for some enjoyable replayability.”
- “The game's also a bit on the short side, with a playthrough generally clocking in at around 2.5-3 hours and without much in the way of replayability, though, to be fair, it's a solo endeavor and not terribly expensive, so make of that what you will.”
- “Def recommended, it's a lot of fun for a very low price, it's short for sure, but leads you wanting more and there's some replayability.”
- “Quite short with limited replay value, basic gameplay, lack of a real challenge.”
grinding
8 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
25%
75%
Reviews indicate that grinding in the game can be tedious and time-consuming, often requiring significant dedication to progress. However, some players find the experience enjoyable due to engaging puzzles and appealing art and music, suggesting that the overall enjoyment can outweigh the grind.
- “You'll need a second life for grinding.”
- “Trying to play this on SD is far too tedious, so if you don’t have a PC, don’t bother.”
- “But is it better and more entertaining than any of today's so-called 'triple A' titles, with its gazillion-dollar production costs, gambling addiction-inducing, money-grinding, and thus youth-destroying nature?”
emotional
8 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
The game evokes a strong emotional response, eliciting laughter, tears, and personal growth through its heartwarming narrative and artistic inspiration. Players find the story of a young woman navigating her desires in a post-war context to be both deep and touching. Overall, it successfully blends humor and poignancy, leaving a lasting impact.
- “I laughed, I cried, I learned, I loved.”
- “It is kind of emotional to look through all the paintings that the game is derived from.”
- “Deep and touching!”
stability
6 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
33%
67%
The game generally maintains stability, with occasional freezes but no crashes reported. While some graphical glitches are present, the overall experience remains enjoyable, and it runs well on the Steam Deck despite its 'unknown' compatibility status.
- “Pay no attention to the 'unknown' compatibility status; this game runs great on Steam Deck!”
- “Sometimes the game freezes, but it never crashes.”
- “The game offers some nice graphics and a nice aesthetic; however, there are some ugly glitches here and there.”
optimization
2 mentions Positive Neutral Negative
100%
The optimization of the game has received mixed reviews, with some users praising its smooth performance while others report issues such as frame rate drops and long loading times. Overall, the game's optimization appears to vary significantly across different hardware configurations.

79%Critics’ scoreBased on 8 critic reviews

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The Procession to Calvary
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5h Median play time

4h Average play time

3-5h Spent by most gamers

*Based on 4 analyzed playthroughs

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