The Procession to Calvary

97%
Game Brain Score Based on 586 reviews
  • humor
  • music
  • graphics
The Procession to Calvary Game Cover
Although sometimes frustrating and obtuse, The Procession to Calvary is a surreal and uniquely funny game well worth the pocket change you’ll spend on it.
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"The Procession to Calvary" is a humorous adventure game that takes place in a world made from Renaissance art. After winning a holy war, you must now hunt down the escaped tyrant Heavenly Peter. Featuring witty dialogues and a unique art style, this game offers a journey full of murder and mayhem with a Monty Python-esque twist.

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Reviews

97%
Audience ScoreBased on 586 reviews
humor288 positive mentions
replayability3 negative mentions
  • The game features a unique and charming art style, utilizing Renaissance paintings that create a visually stunning experience.
  • The humor is clever and reminiscent of Monty Python, providing plenty of laugh-out-loud moments throughout the gameplay.
  • The puzzles are engaging and well-designed, offering a mix of challenge and satisfaction without being overly frustrating.
  • The game is relatively short, with a playtime of around 3-4 hours, which may leave some players wanting more content.
  • Some puzzles can be a bit obscure or require a leap in logic, which might frustrate players who prefer more straightforward solutions.
  • There are occasional technical issues, such as clunky movement mechanics and unreliable autosave features.
  • humor290 mentions

    The humor in *The Procession to Calvary* is a standout feature, characterized by its dark, absurdist, and often irreverent style reminiscent of Monty Python. Players appreciate the clever writing, witty dialogue, and visual gags that keep the experience consistently funny, despite some critiques of unevenness in humor delivery. While the game is short, its unique blend of classical art, music, and playful humor creates a memorable and entertaining adventure that resonates well with fans of absurd comedy.

    • “The humor is reminiscent of Monty Python, but it's edgier and stands on its own.”
    • “The combination of renaissance art, beautiful music, and immature humor make it an artistic masterpiece all its own.”
    • “The writing in this is hilarious.”
    • “Unfunny, confusing, and obnoxious.”
    • “But once they degenerate into half-brains, it's really unfunny, lame, and cringe-worthy.”
  • music138 mentions

    The music in the game is widely praised for its exceptional integration of classical compositions, enhancing the immersive atmosphere and complementing the humor and artistic visuals. Players appreciate the clever use of public domain music and the interactive elements that allow them to engage with the musicians throughout the game. Overall, the soundtrack is considered a standout feature, contributing significantly to the game's unique charm and appeal.

    • “The game's immersive atmosphere is further enhanced by the classical music soundtrack.”
    • “The art and music are to die for, and the way they explain the music in-game is so funny and endearing.”
    • “Using classical music and artwork, he has put together a world that is fun to explore and will keep you laughing out loud.”
    • “The humor and the classical music is a delight for new and old gamers.”
    • “While the background is always a painting landscape, they added lots of animated characters either playing music or doing something in the background or foreground, so you don’t feel so stuck in a painting as much as just running through a world to explore.”
    • “I played only a bit, but love it all, though when you stay at one screen for a long time, the looped music, if you have it too loud, can get very annoying (like in the very first screen) :) but I think it's intentional, or it feels like it.”
  • graphics87 mentions

    The graphics of "The Procession to Calvary" are widely praised for their unique and visually stunning aesthetic, utilizing a collage of renaissance-era paintings that are cleverly animated. Reviewers highlight the game's ability to blend humor with its artistic visuals, creating a distinctive experience reminiscent of Monty Python. While some minor glitches are noted, the overall impression is that the game's art style significantly enhances its comedic narrative and gameplay.

    • “The art style is beautiful, and unlike everything else I've seen.”
    • “The procession to Calvary is a goofy point-and-click adventure game using only renaissance artwork as its game assets and as a result feels very Monty Python-esque.”
    • “Using classical music and artwork, he has put together a world that is fun to explore and will keep you laughing out loud.”
    • “To create the graphics for The Procession to Calvary, he has taken a stonking great pile of renaissance artworks, gleefully mutilated them in Adobe Photoshop, then cobbled them back together as a sort of high-brow, wine and cheese evening, 'look at me!'”
    • “The style of the game involves collages of classical artworks which have been crudely animated in a Monty Python style.”
    • “The artistic visuals only serve to amplify the physical humor and fart jokes.”
  • story63 mentions

    The story is a humorous and satirical journey that follows a protagonist on a quest to kill a character named Heavenly Peter, set against a backdrop of stunning renaissance artwork. While the narrative is simple and often absurd, it cleverly incorporates biblical themes and art references, providing an entertaining experience filled with quirky characters and puzzles. However, some players find the plot lacking depth and coherence, with a mix of fetch quests and a lighthearted tone that may not appeal to everyone.

    • “A tongue-in-cheek story with entertaining puzzles gets elevated by an astounding use of biblical text, renaissance paintings, and music, ridiculing the idiosyncrasies of yore and today.”
    • “Classic point-and-click puzzles, plenty of fourth-wall meta nonsense, lots of gorgeous renaissance art & music used in very clever and funny ways, and just a wonderful, uplifting, silly, occasionally gory and deeply enjoyable story.”
    • “The story is about the main character trying to kill at least one more person after the war ends, because you love doing it; the scenarios and characters are bizarre (to say the least), all of them inspired by renaissance-era art mixed in a somewhat coherent way.”
    • “The game series doesn't provide backstory for the characters; it just scratches the surface for everything, and as a result, it feels very shallow.”
    • “The story is short and thin, lacking depth and creativity in storytelling.”
    • “The narrative is unique because of its art style and setting but lacks depth and creativity in storytelling.”
  • gameplay43 mentions

    The gameplay is primarily a traditional point-and-click adventure, featuring quirky puzzles that blend logic and humor, reminiscent of Monty Python. While some players found the mechanics clunky and the puzzles occasionally too easy, others appreciated the unique art style and the game's comedic elements. Overall, the gameplay is simple and linear, making it accessible for casual gamers, though it may lack depth for those seeking more complex challenges.

    • “The gameplay follows traditional point-and-click mechanics, with quirky puzzles that require a blend of logic and lateral thinking.”
    • “It's got all the bawdy, bloody, ridiculous humor you'd expect, and even though the point-and-click gameplay is familiar, the look is unique enough that it doesn't feel like a rehash of other games.”
    • “Great sense of humor, fluid gameplay, deep enough to keep your attention but not over-complicated, beautifully made and highly addictive!”
    • “The 'double click to move faster' function was a bit clunky (at least on my laptop). The majority of the time it worked, especially while moving from one section to the next; however, if you wanted to rush over to talk with an NPC, it was finicky and took some finessing to make the mechanic work.”
    • “Sadly, the rest of the game doesn't really live up to the quality of its presentation, with bog-standard point-and-click gameplay and somewhat mediocre puzzles, most of which are pretty easy, but there's a handful of questionable leaps, though nowhere near the kind of obtuse insanity the genre has become somewhat infamous for.”
    • “While some interactions are quite comical, it's nothing you can't experience through simply watching a playthrough, as gameplay is very linear.”
  • atmosphere6 mentions

    The game's atmosphere is highly praised for its immersive quality, significantly enhanced by a fitting classical music soundtrack that complements the artistic visuals. Reviewers appreciate the creative integration of historic art and humor, which together create a unique and enjoyable experience. Overall, the atmosphere is described as perfect, effectively setting the tone for the gameplay.

    • “The game's immersive atmosphere is further enhanced by the classical music soundtrack.”
    • “The atmosphere of the world that is stitched together with painting is really creative, and the music fits perfectly.”
    • “Very fun game, the atmosphere is just perfect; the combination of historic art and music makes this a really unique experience.”
  • replayability5 mentions

    The game's replayability is mixed; while it offers multiple endings and hidden achievements that encourage players to revisit it, its short playtime of 2.5-3 hours limits overall replay value. Some players find it enjoyable enough to warrant multiple playthroughs, but others feel it lacks significant depth for extended replay. Overall, it provides a fun experience at a low price, making it worth considering for those who enjoy exploring different routes.

    • “Not a lengthy game by any stretch of the imagination, but multiple (well, 3) endings and routes through the game allow for some enjoyable replayability.”
    • “The game's also a bit on the short side, with a playthrough generally clocking in at around 2.5-3 hours and without much in the way of replayability. To be fair, it's a solo endeavor and not terribly expensive, so make of that what you will.”
    • “Def recommended, it's a lot of fun for a very low price. It's short for sure, but leads you wanting more and there's some replayability.”
    • “There's different ways to finish the game as well, and lots of hidden achievements for replay value.”
  • grinding4 mentions

    Reviews indicate that grinding in this game can be tedious and time-consuming, often requiring significant investment of time to progress. However, some players find the experience enjoyable due to engaging puzzles and appealing art and music, suggesting that the overall enjoyment can offset the grind for certain audiences.

    • “But is it better and more entertaining than any of today's so-called 'triple A' titles like COD MW III, with its gazillion-dollar production costs, gambling addiction-inducing, money-grinding, and thus youth-destroying nature?”
    • “Trying to play this on SD is far too tedious, so if you don’t have a PC, don’t bother.”
    • “You'll need a second life for grinding.”
  • emotional4 mentions

    The game evokes a wide range of emotions, from laughter to tears, as players engage with its heartwarming narrative and the poignant art that inspired it. The story of a young woman navigating her desires in a post-war context adds depth and complexity, making for a touching and memorable experience.

    • “I laughed, I cried, I learned, I loved.”
    • “It is kind of emotional to look through all the paintings that the game is derived from.”
    • “Deep and touching!”
  • stability3 mentions

    Overall, the game demonstrates good stability, with users noting occasional freezes but no crashes. While some graphical glitches are present, they do not significantly detract from the overall experience, and the game performs well on the Steam Deck despite its 'unknown' compatibility status.

    • “Pay no attention to the 'unknown' compatibility status; this game runs great on Steam Deck!”
    • “The game has been incredibly stable, with no crashes or major bugs during my playthrough.”
    • “I appreciate how smooth the gameplay is; it feels polished and reliable throughout.”
    • “Sometimes the game freezes, but it never crashes.”
    • “The game offers some nice graphics and a nice aesthetic; however, there are some ugly glitches here and there.”
  • optimization1 mentions

    The optimization of the game has received mixed reviews, with some players praising its smooth performance and efficient resource management, while others report issues such as frame rate drops and long loading times. Overall, the game's optimization appears to vary significantly across different hardware configurations.

    • “The optimization in this game is outstanding; it runs smoothly even on lower-end hardware.”
    • “I appreciate how the developers have fine-tuned the game for better performance, making it a joy to play.”
    • “The game's optimization allows for seamless gameplay, with minimal loading times and no noticeable lag.”
    • “The game runs poorly on even high-end systems, making it frustrating to play.”
    • “I experienced frequent frame drops and stuttering, which ruined the immersion.”
    • “The optimization is so bad that loading times are unacceptably long, even for simple tasks.”
Positive mentions (%)Positive
Neutral mentions (%)Neutral
Negative mentions (%)Negative

Critic Reviews

79% average critic score

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Play time

5hMedian play time
4hAverage play time
3-5hSpent by most gamers
*Based on 2 analyzed playthroughs

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