RATIONS #2: HAZARD FUNCTION

[MIC FEEDBACK] Good morning, patriots. You may be feeling a little woozy right now—that’s to be expected. For the last twenty-four hours, you have been anesthatized and placed in sensory deprivation tanks—that explains the pruny fingers!—while being intravenously administered lysergic acid diethylamide. There’s no need to panic—really, you’ll feel better if you don’t. Rest assured, your fellow bum…